djbunyindahouse

It's been one year....exactly one year since I had a really good day. I'll probably never forget that day for the rest of my life because it was a monumental day. Unfortunately, it will live in my memory forever as the end of an era.

Enough though. It's been an entirely brutal year for many reasons but it's time for me to make the necessary changes to have a better and happier life.

I don't know what they all are yet. I'll keep me posted, lol. Hope everyone has a good holiday season and finds those things that make you all happy!!!

So , it's only been FOREVER since I actually posted anything. Yes, my life really is that boring, haha! But I'm trying really hard to stay in the positives so maybe posting more will make me keep on that track.

This year has been especially difficult but it is slowly starting to come together. I have been working hard at trying to get where I want to be in my life. I have been making an effort to get out and see friends a little more than I was. I think I was only a couple months away from earning my "official hermit" card. I was missing my friends alot though so hopefully I'll get out to see them more.

I think (by choice) I may just end up being single forever. I can't seem to find any interest in dating or being around someone for any length of time. I think my heart is pretty damaged though. I have huge walls around even thinking about being with someone. I just can't see myself doing it. At least not until I'm in a better head and heart space. Definitely not where I thought I'd end up when i was younger considering I always wanted to be with that special woman. Now I just don't know that she is out there anymore. Or she is and I already had her and she's gone now, lol. It's not really a sad thing. I'm content with it, I cannot deal with the drama of it all. If someday something comes along that is relaxed I may give it a chance, who knows.

Thank god for music or might have gone insane a long time ago!!!

Went to my cousin's wedding this past weekend in High River and it was fun. The DJ kind of sucked but seeing as I am a DJ I'm pretty critical. But really, 4 MJ songs in a row....dude let it go. It was nice to see some of my aunts and uncles that I dont see very often. There was some serious eye candy there....hey I may not want to date but I can look and appreciate, lol. I was just glad the wind storm died down before I drove back to Calgary.

Ok, off to see if I can find anything else to cure my boredom.....

Taken from loverofunreason 


* Go to musicoutfitters.com
* Enter the year you graduated from (high) school in the search function and get the list of 100 most popular songs of that year
* Bold the songs you like, strike through the ones you hate and underline your favorite. Do nothing to the ones you don't remember (or don't care about)

( Top 100 of 1991 )

I havent posted forever. Life has been incredibly busy over the past few months and I still read and check LJ most every day, I just never feel like I have much to say but really alot has happened since my last update. So where to start....

Work is really starting to get moving, I'm not getting many clients yet but alot of the administrative work is all done and that's really the part I need to get done to focus on everything....for the few on here who don't know, I'm a mortgage broker now so if you know anyone that needs a mortgage, contact me and I'll get you my phone information! lol....hawking myself on LJ...awesome

I won a bunch of money playing online poker over the last couple months. That's been a bit of a godsend because its afforded me the time to get things going with work (which is all commission) and made life much easier through the upcoming Christmas season. I made my one big personal purchase last week and got a new 42 inch TV...yay, no more tube TV. Paid off a credit card completely which was nice and paid down some other loans.

On the topic of Christmas, this year will be a little strange considering my grandpa passed away in late July. Since I can remember we always spent christmas eve at his house (my grandma passed away in 90) So this year its all about starting new traditions and it's going to be a bit of a sombre experience but at the same time it will be nice to get with the family and remember my grandpa this year and move forward to the future.

My personal life has had quite the year to be honest. In my last post I talked about a girl I had been dating and it had broken off. Well we have since reconnected and started talking again and things are at a good place right now. We are not together at the moment but we are very close and the possibility does exist of a future together. I learned alot about myself when I was with her before and I think we actually needed to go through this to find out if our feelings and love for each other could survive the circumstances we are surrounded with. Right now, I'm just helping her through a tough situation and we will see what the future holds but I'm just happy for now that I didn't lose someone who is a very good friend and I have been close with for the last six years. We've had some really good times together lately and for now it's just a day to day to see where our road will lead.

I actually went out to her house today and we had a "mini grey cup" party with her kids (who couldnt care less about football, lol) but it was fun. We made wings and nachos and just had a really good time, then we watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall( which for the record, I love). We've had some really honest conversations over the past week and I do hope that we can have something but that something will not be something we can commit to for the next little while. All we can really do is enjoy any time we do get together.

We also went to a couple Flames games over the past few weeks. I won tickets on Pokerstars for the colorado game last tuesday and it was soooo much fun. We got a catered dinner before the game and free drinks. Talked to the president of the team and then after the game we got autographed Kiprusoff framed pictures.

All in all , life is pretty good right now. The upcoming new year is filled with lots of exciting new challenges and some new hopes and dreams.

I do have a friend who's went a little MIA on me and I miss her. I hope she knows I still want to keep in contact and I hope to catch up with her soon :) If you read this you should really send me an email to my foofighter account and let me know how things are!

Okay, so August was a fucking shitty month for the most part. This past long weekend marked the beginning of the rest of my life....I hope. I want everything in my life to change and I've made great strides to get there. I finished my mortgage broker course in just over 1 month (they give you a year to finish it, lol) and passed my test with a 91%. That was the only real good part of the month and that will get me to the future I want. I'm about to immerse myself in new work starting soon but really getting into it in October when I get licensed. The prospects of working my ass off and making some serious money are staring me in the face and I want nothing more than to get to my goal of being "caught up" financially within the next two years. It's easy to accomplish if I put in some serious hard work over the next little while. I'll be working with one of my best friends and she's excited about getting me trained and working together to benefit both of us.

The shitty side was having my grandpa pass away at the end of July and having to deal with death for the first part of the month. I've come to terms with it. He lived a good life, mostly healthy and was successful with a good family. You can't really ask for more than that in life.

I also had a falling out with the girl I was dating. Sometimes life can sure get in the way of of something that had the potential to be fantastic. In reality I got into a situation that had only a small chance of succeeding and unfortunately we didn't make it. Now I have the unenviable task of trying to figure out if we can even salvage our five year friendship. I don't really know if it's possible but I guess we'll see. I'm just trying to get through the mourning stage of losing her because I truly love her with all my heart and I know that she actually does love me we just got together at the absolute wrong time and may never find our way too each other again. That prospect makes me sad but if it was really ever meant to be it can only happen when we are both in better head spaces. I dealt with so much stress and insecurity though with her all of August. It sucks because we were growing sooooo close to each other. All I can do is move on though and make my life better and see where I can direct my future. I'm not going to let life drag me along anymore. I'm going to make the life I want without procrastinating or feeling like the universe owes me something.

So now begins the new journey into a future full of unknowns but also full of hope and renewed optimism for what I can accomplish with will and determination. I need to be better in my own life so that when my opportunity arises to be with someone again I'm in a better position to be able to put myself into with the vigor that I once had when I was younger. No more will I wait for it to just come to me. I will make it happen.

This is my mission statement....so sayeth Jerry Maguire.

So my grandfather had a heart attack yesterday while he was out golfing. He was taken to the hospital in Claresholm(little town an hour from Calgary) and then taken to the Foothills hospital where they assessed that he had 100%, 100%, 80 and 75% blockage in the heart. They had to do a triple bypass surgery today and although he made it through surgery, the next 48 hours seem critical to him actually making a recovery or not. They had some problems with bleeding and tearing of the heart that took a lot of stitches to fix apparently. He is 79 years old though, so it was to be expected a little. I was at the hospital all day with mom and she was good most of the day until the doctor told us all the news. I'm guessing right now its about 50-50 he's going to survive the surgery. Its very sad but at the same time I realize this is the life cycle. Things like this unfortunately happen and as much as I dont want him to die, i know that he led a fantastic life and raised a big happy family.

These days suck.

Yesterday was a much better day. Well at least until i found out about the heart attack.

I'll quickly blog it so I can remember it later. I went to the splash park with my friend and her kids. It was soooo much fun. I really am a big kid at heart so it was easy for me to go and have fun with them and be able to hang out with her at the same time. I'm not even going to do it justice with words how great it was but suffice to say I'm happy that it went as well as it did.

Well, life is good. In fact life is really good. No, wait....life as of this day is fucking FANTASTIC!!!!

I've decided to do my mortgage broker course by correspondence instead of classroom because its cheaper and I have friends who are brokers that can help if necessary. To be honest, I highly doubt I will need their help at all. I should have the books by the end of next week and should be ready to write the exam by the end of August. Then I have a few other things to do. I'm going to need to get a criminal check, which is required for registration as a broker. I also need to buy a bunch of shit I cant afford but I'm sure one way or another I'll figure out how to get it. I need to buy a new laptop, a printer, eventually I'll also need a desk, oh and I need to open a business account once I actually create an incorporated company, which costs like 700 bucks!!! fuck, starting this is expensive but will all pay off in the end! A friend of mine has offered to help me get started and train me and then we can work together which is hard to find a "partner" in this industry because most people are greedy and out for themselves.

So, to most of my friends on here, I haven't actually spilled my entire situation with "the girl" but there is a reason for that. All I want to say at this point is that things between us are fantastic, the situation we are in still kinda sucks but the day will come soon when we will be able to actually be together the way we both want. The way we both know now for certain that we should have been five years ago. This woman is the woman that I have dreamed of all my life. She is the woman I WILL spend the rest of my life loving. I know it. More than I've ever known anything.

We had a great night tonight. She came with me to my weekend work (karaoke) and we had a few drinks, sang, danced and just generally got a chance to be close to each other. I hate that its 5:15AM and she's not here anymore. I cant wait for the day when there is no going to a different home. I really just wish I was already asleep and had my arms wrapped around her and knew that she would still be there in the morning.

12 days smoke free.....I'm actually impressed that I've done this well. Actually impressed, is the wrong word. More like shocked. Considering I had smoked since I was about 15 (well 17 I really started daily smoking), but still, half my life was spent as a smoker and now I'm starting life as a non-smoker. Its been great so far, very very few actual cravings and I havent had a headache since I stopped. I dont ever want to take it up again!

I'm slightly pathetic...actually I'm really pathetic, but when it comes to love, honestly i dont care. We are at that stage right now where EVERYTHING feels new and exciting and if most people heard any of our actual conversations they'd probably hurl right there. I really dont care though, I love her......In fact I love her so much , that I already know I will marry this woman. Of course it doesnt hurt that we have five years of very strong friendship and pushed aside feelings to guide us as well. I've loved this girl for over five years and she's done the same, we just never did it together (well we did for awhile at the beginning, but thats another story). Sometimes the world and circumstances just never line up until the timing is really right.

Its finally right. That makes me stupid happy!!

Everything in my life is changing so much. I've gotten most of the paperwork done and sent in to register for my course. I've started eating soooo much better. I've been sleeping really well the past month or so and best of all......I havent smoked at all since Monday morning. I resolved awhile ago that I would quit by my birthday (which is in October). The timing though is right for this. I really want to be healthy again. I want to live a life that will give me the chance to actually grow old with "the love of my life". I want to have a career that I'm actually happy in, not one where I get bored after a year or two and move on. I want to be stable and I want to have the happy life I dreamed I would have at this stage of my life. I need to be a grown up.

There is a lot of change going on in my life. I sure hope the world (and my friends) are ready for the new me!

I so wish I never had to go home!!! I'm at my parents house right now and they are away in Aruba so I have a nice big house all to myself. I LOVE IT!!! Of course it would be a little better if I had someone to share it with, especially the brand spanking new hottub. I think I need a nap now, the hottub made me sleepy!!

Back to reality tomorrow, noooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

fuck....

fuck.....


FUCK!!!!!!!!!1..........

WHY IS THIS "KISSED A GIRL" SONG SO CATCHY!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uN0nJuXL9n8


Let me know if you like it...

oh anyone else can listen if you're bored too, you have probably heard it on the radio.

This weekend was crazy....and difficult to get through.

I started Friday by waking up with an intense migraine(that pretty much persisted right up until Sunday evening). I threw up five times from it on Friday and still had to head down to do karaoke at night. I know TMI but get over it. I almost threw up in my car on the way down there. That sucked. I thought i was going to have to use the toque I still had in my car. Luckily, I didnt and survived the rest of the night, although in considerable pain.

It was extremely busy friday night and quite a lot of fun even though I was suffering. I had a definite distraction there. A very long story about this girl but suffice to say I had some fun, even though technically, I'm not supposed to be able to have fun with her......yes....I could be more vague.

The worst part of it though is that I fell in love with her five years ago and those feelings have apparently never really went away. The unfortunate part is that right now, i cant be with her the way that either of us would like. Fuck....sometimes having to be responsible and not selfish is the hardest thing in the world to do.

Saturday was slooooooow at work. Apparently most of the regulars were at a big dance or a birthday bash, so I spent most of the night hanging with a few ladies that came in and having a few drinks. There was this crazy Polish woman there, who was HAMMERED and trying extremely hard to have me take her home. Sometimes I'm not sure where I get the strength to say no because really, I am single. However, it was much easier after Friday and for the fact that I hate hate hate being with someone who is drunk, let alone as drunk as she was. I have to share what she said to me because I still cant believe I ever actually heard these words come out of her mouth. For the record, she was physically attractive, if not a complete turn-off from the drinking.

So anyway...in my best online Polish accent/half broken English....she says

"I want you to fuck me in my cunt...."

Yeah that's right, she used the C word. I swear to god at that moment I started looking around for the hidden cameras, thinking this had to be a joke. So after that, I tried mostly to keep my distance which was hard because there wasnt many people there. Thankfully, her friends decided to finally leave about a half hour after that and we got her out the door and off home. It was surreal at best but at least made for some entertainment on an otherwise boring evening.

Anyway's time to get to bed, its already to late and I have so much to get done tomorrow.

For any of my friends who might be interested, Coldplay is offering their new single for free for one week.....

go to Coldplay.com, you'll be able to get a link sent to you. The link is only good for six hours, so you have to get it asap after you register for it.

The song is called Violet Hill and will be on their upcoming album, I just heard it, its freaking awesome!!!

This weekend was ..... for lack of a better term ..... crazy.

Friday night, I worked as usual, doing karaoke and DJing. I dont want to overly elaborate what exactly happened but I met a woman who was......really really horny, lol. She basically came on to me so fast I had no idea what was even happening and before I knew it, I found myself doing things that I havent done in a long time. But as Bill Clinton said....I did not have sexual relations with that woman but I sure had some an interesting evening, in the back of her vehicle.

Saturday was a fun night, not quite as eventful as Friday but still a good night. I did get to see some nice breasts, lol. I even got to touch them. Can you tell its been a few months, lmao.

If only every weekend was this interesting.

*yes i know I sound like a total man-slut, but hey you gotta have fun every once in awhile and I didnt do anything that could get me into "trouble". Just good clean adult fun.

I hate cleaning.......I need to clean. Man will I be happy when I'm done. I figure if i do it slowly and take lots of breaks it wont feel so much like cleaning. Of course if I went quicker it would be done faster.

I hate cleaning.

Going home to my parents always makes me feel better. It was so relaxing to just hang out for a few days....plus i get to do laundry for free, lol. I cleaned my car out and it feels brand new again, I watched curling with my mom(she's a nut for curling), went to the casino with my dad and hung with my brother who was down. He just bought a new truck that he was VERY proud of, it was pretty funny. Every hour he had to go for a drive, lol.

The even better part was that for some reason I sleep incredibly well at my parents. I was fighting so hard to get back to normal sleep patterns and ONE night there accomplished that. I was in bed by midnight and up before 8 both nights i was there and even when I got home last night Im now feeling better.

When i was cleaning my car I found my runners which i thought I lost(which really made me wonder, where I would lose shoes and not notice I didnt have any)so now I'm really going to have to make the effort to start being more active. Its not something I can put off anymore, I shouldnt have been putting it off as long as I was. I feel REALLY unhealthy right now. I should probably quit smoking soon too. That one will be tougher. But I can do it....soon.

It's official....I'm bored. I'm also extremely tired because I've spent this whole week trying to get my sleeping pattern back to normal. So i've stayed awake for the daytime for the most part but I havent been able to sleep much at night. I only slept 4 hours last night and I've been up since 3AM. I'm trying to fight through it though because I really want to be more productive during the day. Plus, God willing, I'll get good news from the girl at the bank and hopefully have a job again soon. I feel so close to having a real life again and im tired of being cooped up in the house.

TV sucks. All the shows I watch have no new episodes because of the writers strike. The only one I get to see is Jericho( and I think they are done next week). I sure hope some new eppys are made before end of season. Oh and thanks for Days....my one hour of escape a day.

Girls....oh girls. What can I say? I'm currently interested in two. Its such a horrid process though. One girl gave me her number almost two weeks ago, she had been flirting with me for like three consecutives Fridays when i was working. So I called last week, heard nothing back. Then I called again and left messages on cell and home. Still nothing. I might be sweatin' it a little early but if you didnt want me to call why even bother giving me your number AFTER showing interest. The other girl, its more laid back, I've been talking with her on msn for the past three weeks. I've known her for quite awhile and there seems to be some sort of connection but it could easily just be a friend vibe. I'm not really thinking about that too much, if something happens with her I think it will take a more natural life of its own, considering I've known her for a couple year. We never really got to know each other that well , except for the past few weeks though. Whatever happens though, its all good, and I have definitely learned my lesson from some recent mistakes in the dating world.

 

Sometimes life is just so full of curveballs you cant help but hit one once in awhile right? Well im still really waiting for that to happen right now. I'm actually fairly content though. I've been focusing on getting more active, in my social life with friends and my health. Both are good things. Now im starting to focus on my mental. I've started by focusing on getting rid of the "dead weight" in my life. People or things that are almost more destructive for me and really have no significant value to the improvement of my life in general.

A few things have happened in the past few months that make me really realize I cannot stay on my current path for much longer. I had become my own worst enemy and shut out people who were really important to me. Now one of them is gone. My responsibility in the matter is 100%. Its a mistake Im not happy with and I know I must learn from it or I'm doomed to repeat it if and when I try to get into another relationship.

I really do love all of my close friends. I want to make a concerted effort to show them that I do appreciate them and care for them all. I distanced myself horrendously from some of them for so long I hope its not too late to mend some fences. At the same time, I dont have the desire to carry on friendships that are acquantance like in nature. They are too time consuming to bother with when they really dont add much to my life. I need to care about me with that energy and stop trying to have a bunch of semi-friends. I want my close friends, that bring positive energy, to be the ones I focus on going forward. It may be a small circle but it is a very important group of people that i must learn to accept the support they provide to me. As well, I need to be there for them when the time is required.

I want to be ME again.....

Merry Christmas to All!!! Have a safe and wonderful time and see ya in the new year.